Wednesday, January 7, 2009

He's testing me.....

Well, its happening, He is testing me....again! God gave me a little tap on the shoulder reminding me that he's up there and He has plans for me. I'm not sure what those plans are yet but He does. We're having some issues with Kenna again and last night was pretty bad. She said one of the most hateful things that has every come out of her mouth. I'm surprised that I didn't cry but I think I was just too shocked. At one point it got so bad that Kevin was crying because he was afraid that Makenna was going to go to jail. So, when things get so bad, like that, I have to force myself to step away and look at the big picture, wonder what in the world God is trying to teach me here! I know he is teaching me strength because it took all the strength I had not to beat her! Is He trying to teach me how to be more understanding, are caring, I don't know!! All I know is that I'm giving this all to God.

Lord Jesus, You know my every thought and every need. I cry out to you for you help, help that only you can give. Lord, I'm angry, frustrated and tired. My daughter need you but has completely shut you out! How can I made her believe in you once again? Lord, I try to understand where she is coming from but I guess that my eyes are shut! Please help me to open my eyes to what she sees. Lord, I pray for lots and lots of patience because I need them now more then ever. Lord, cover my mouth and help remind me not to say things in anger! Please help me to be the best mom, I can be. I pray this in your name! Amen!!

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