Makenna Jo

Tomorrow is the big B-day for Makenna, I can't believe that she'll be 14. Time has gone by so quickly and I know that I'll blink my eyes and she'll be graduating from High School.
If you haven't met Makenna, you should, she is amazing person, I just wish she could realized that. Makenna is a beautiful person who is funny, talented and loving. Her favorite subject is Language Arts and I love to read her stories, even though they are sometimes dark. She loves to draw and her art work decorates my cubical. This year was her third year in Speech, she speaks so well, I always sit back and let my chest swell with pride as she performs. She is active in Job's Daughters and loves hanging out with all her Jobie friends. Right now she's in the middle of her softball season but her favorite sport is volleyball and Thomas and I were so proud when she made the varsity team. One of Makenna's best qualities is her love for her brothers. Makenna was old enough to understand all the fertility treatments and the miscarriage we had to go through to get pregnant. She was there for the the ultrasounds and was always one of the first visitor to see both of her brothers. They love her so much and when she's not home they miss her so much.
This last year was a hard year for Makenna. Everyone says its the age and they are just going through a stage, this isn't the case for Makenna. Makenna is a survivor of sexual abuse and even though the abuse ended almost 10 years ago, but the scares are still fresh for her. I feel that as her parent I've done everything I can to help her, she's been in therapy since age 4, I'm there for her, I pray for her; what else can I do?! At age 11 Makenna had her first suicide attempt, she tried to hang her self with a scarf. I didn't find this out until several months later after a huge fight and I told her should could tell me anything....I meant it but that wasn't what I was expecting. We changed therapist and Makenna went threw countless testing and she was diagnosed with ADD, Post traumatic Stress Syndrome, Depression, Obstinate/defiant disorder and several other things. Next thing I knew my 12 year old was on three different medications to "help her" One of the medication is called Abilfy. I was told by the Doctor not read up on the drug (that should have been my first clue) because it would scare the crap out of me. We played with her meds, things seemed to be oaky, there were still huge fights but we thought she was better....until I received a phone call from my husband who was in Atlanta on travel. I could tell that something was wrong by the sound of his voice, I asked him if something had happened to one of his parents, he said no that he just talked to the police and Makenna was on the way to the ER because she had swallowed a bunch of pill (36 ibuprofen). I have no idea how I even got to the hospital that day. I remember calling my mother in hysterics and my best friend. I got into the ER and I couldn't even speak. When I saw Makenna I hugged her and we both cried. She was being hooked up to the EKG machine and they were doing lots of testing to check for liver damage. I was an emotional wreak. Tom was trying to catch a flight home, he did remember to call the church and one of our pastor's came to the hospital to pray with her. Long story short, Makenna stayed for 7 days in the Adolescence Mental Health of the University. They immediately took her off the Abilify because its not FDA approved for children under 18 and it was causing her to have suicidal thought and another side effect was Tardive dyskinesia, aka facial ticks. The next few months were were okay, still some under lying problems, going to therapy, ect. One night after dinner and an argument, we her Makenna throwing up and Thomas said to her, Makenna did to take more pills. She said yes but this time it was so much worse, she took almost a 100. I can't describe how I felt at the moment...I was angry and sad all at the same time. Because Makenna had taken so many pills they were worried about liver and kidney damage. They decided to give her charcoal the drink. Then 15 minutes later she started to throw it all up. I will never forget the scene, it will never be eased from my mind. My daughter covered in black puke, she was in and out of reality and there was nothing I could do for her; it was a nightmare. Another long story short is that she spend another week and the University and the Doctor's told us that there was nothing they could do for her there, she'd have to be sent away. Unless you've gone threw this before those worked are paralyzing. So, Makenna spent 10 very long weeks up North in Brained. Thomas and I had to make weekly trip for family theraphy but I really truly believe that is has made a difference. Things have been better since she's been home, a there are still some problems. She is really mad at God right now and wants nothing to do with him. She won't go to church with us. We have fought over and we talked to both our pastor and the therapist and they said it not worth the flight to make her go. Its very hard on our family but we try, because its all we know how to do. So, we have good days and we have bad days but everyday we do have I'm thankful for. We pray for her safety every time we leave the house, we worry and call to check on her more then we should but, it what we have to do.
So, now to move forward. We've put our trust in God that he'll take care of her. That she'll go back to Him when she is ready. I've learned that my two little boys helped me go on when I felt like shutting down, they needed me to be there to take care of them even when I felt I couldn't take care of my self. My husband Thomas, what a blessing, what a rock. He held me when I cried and helped to move forward. I can't imagine not having him in my life. If we can make it through this we can make it though anything. Tom and I are so thankful for our small group at church, they lifted our family up in prayer and helped us through this journey. Our prayer is to help Makenna through this time in her life and we hope to help other families with this kind of problem. To be a sholder to lear on when they don't know where to go and to pray for them and to say, I've been there, I know how you feel!
So, Happy Birthday to my sweet baby girl. I love you more then you will ever now and I pray that we can share many, many birthdays together!!